Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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