Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
