Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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