I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
