Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dignity is for republicans.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
