I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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