I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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