its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
