I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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