So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
