THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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