Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
