Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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