I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
