i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize