i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
