If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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