That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
