we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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