Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
