Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
