Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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