I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
