Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
