I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
