I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
