So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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