Sober January is a disaster.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
