the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
