Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have post one night stand depression
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