Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
