You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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