ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
