She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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