My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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