I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
