I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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