I can text with my tongue
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize