Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
