I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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