so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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