everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
