You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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