I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
