He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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