So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
