under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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