just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
