she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
