I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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