She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
