He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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