what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
