I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
