Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
