I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize