So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
