I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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