I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
