They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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