im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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