i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
