Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize