I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
