Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
