I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize