so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so let's talk penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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