Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
