hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
