chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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