I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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