Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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